I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
