I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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