The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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