he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
