It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
