he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
