??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
