i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
