I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
