I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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