yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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