Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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