Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
