i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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