Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
