The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
