i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
