Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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