If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
