You can't motorboat a personality
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
