actually, I'm a sock model
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
