If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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