so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
