so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's like God shit irony all over that family
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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