cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
