I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
