Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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