I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
