you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know, be my cock's hype man.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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