I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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