and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
