I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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