Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
