Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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