One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
