$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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