im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You smell like stripper and shame
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
