Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
