so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
