just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
