Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
