I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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