Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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