thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
