I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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In other news, I just burned my penis
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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