So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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