I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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