: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
