Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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