i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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