i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
