I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize