cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
