I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
