yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize