I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
