you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
