Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
