Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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