first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
