i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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