I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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