just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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