im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
