my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
