I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
