All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
