I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
