I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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