Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
