you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
