I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
