My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
