Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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