Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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