I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
