Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
