god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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