One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
