Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This baby is an asshole
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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