Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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