and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
