every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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