He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
