I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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