What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
