Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
