if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
