I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.