Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
