I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.